Archive for January, 2012

Sometimes you just can’t….

Posted: January 5, 2012 in Day to Day

Sometimes you just cannot get past the old you.  You try to get out of your body and just exist, but you can’t.  The fat man inside pulls you back in.

During the holidays, I went to Washington, D.C. My wife’s brother had a brand new Baby Boy!  It was very exciting.  It was a last-minute trip and we barely were able to find our winter coats before we headed out the door.  My kids keep me pretty active and when we are in D.C. there is so much for them to do.  I always try to do something fun with them.  Washington is the only place left where jobs are plentiful, the money is flowing, and the people smile at their good fortune.  Unless you own farm land that you have leased for fracking it is hard to find such a place like Washington, D.C. these days!

So this time the activity was ice skating at the National Gallery.  They begged me to take them.  Last time they skated for 5 minutes at the cost of $15 each and complained their feet hurt and demanded hot chocolate.  I mentioned to them that I was not going to spend $3 a minute for them to ice skate. It would be cheaper to flood the backyard of my brother-in-law’s house and just push them around in their sneakers!

Well, you know I gave in and went right —  First up was Sara — around she went and then came back and said she was done.  I “encouraged” her to keep trying…

 

Then came Edan — Let’s just say, people needed to stay out of his way and give him lots of room.

Then came the request — you would think Hot Chocolate right? — wrong!  “Dad, please come on the ice with us…”  “Pleeeeeaaaaassssseeeeeee.”  I just could not.  I said I needed to make sure I was not injured for the National Championship (I play football some of you may remember) in Miami in a couple of weeks.  True.  But not true…

They kept it up… But I just could not do it.  Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get rid of your former fat self.  Sometimes, Sometimes…. No, I really could not.  Sometimes folks you just can’t….

It was too hard for me.  I dug down very deep.  I thought about it for some 20 minutes.  I just could not do it.  Maybe it was the attention I would surely get.  Maybe it was because of my height — I am 6’5″.  I did not want to get stared at.  “Forgive me,” I said.  “Guys.  I love you with all my heart.  I want so bad to be able to get over myself.  I hope you understand but sometimes you just can’t….”  They went away defeated.  They continued to skate, but I could tell how disappointed they were.  They wanted their dad to come play.  I had come so far this year.  I had gone on that rollercoaster at the amusement park.  I had done many things.  I even got on a ladder to put up Christmas lights.  I did so many things this year.  I even got off my butt and got my own drink! I mean how much farther could I be pushed.  This as it… This was the end of the line for me.  There was only so much of my former fat life I could be expected to shed.  I had unzipped my fat suit.  I had delivered all those toys to all those kids… I had fed the reindeer.  Wait.  Sorry.  That was not me…

But there were so many things I had done.  There was only so much one man could be expected to do in 9 months.  I love them. I see them skating.  I see some woman catch an elbow from Edan.  She really should have known better than to get that close! My head in my hands now.  How sad…. How tragic… But it just was not to be.  You see folks — my former fat self was still there locked inside.  It cannot be killed.  There was a little part of me that would always be unable to join in.  A little part that said — I think I can’t….  I am not proud of it.  I am trying to own up to it.  It hurts very much to even think about it. Terrible. Tragic…  My body may be different, but I am not.

Sometimes folks, you just can’t…….

And Sometimes —

 

Sometimes you gotta get over it!

 

 

 

Well, no weight loss but no gain….  Making it hard to get to my 200 but I am going to keep working at it.  I did not go crazy, but I am having a hard time.  Shonnie (Angry Woman) had the same issue when she went off the fast.  It is hard to get back on it or to do maintenance or even diet in any way.  The key for me is to not throw it all out and walk away.  The Blog helps to keep me focused.  Kind of a owning up every week.  I was proud to make it through the holiday without a big gain.  I had several people who had not seen me in awhile mention my weight loss.  That gave me motivation to keep it off.  Before I would have been the fat guy in the corner — Trying not to get attention. Next week is a big week for me to stay on it.  I must get the fast back in my mind.

Starting Weight: 449.8 lbs.

  • Weeks to Go           Weight             Total to 200
  •            11                      293.0                    43.0
  •            10                     289.0                     39.0
  •              9                     289.0                     39.0
  •              8                     289.0                     39.0