Archive for the ‘Day to Day’ Category

I can count up my weight gains in 5 lb. chunks. From one vacation to the next.  From one business trip to the next.  From one party to the next. I never gained weight gradually.  In fact, I could maintain my weight at the same level for a long time.  Now mind you — I could never lose weight.  I would stay the same then go on a vacation and BAM! — 5 lb. gain.   Then the whole thing would start over again.  Each and every time I would swear that I would get it off on the days following my return.  Each and every time it would stay with me and it would never come off.

Well, I am back in that same cycle again.  I had a trip to Disney — then I had a trip to the beach — and now I am about to embark on a trip to San Francisco.  (Hello Santa Clara Roblox Convention!) The first two trips have so far proven to be the weight gain that I expected.  But today I am determined to break this long cycle.  Scientists use the Bell Curve to show a predictable cycle.  I think it fits here.  I have a good long period of maintenance followed buy a weight gain to the top of the curve.  Now if the science is true, I should be able to change my habits, my diet, my mindset and head back down to where I started.  To lose what I gained and get back to the norm.  Yesterday was the first day and today I am writing my blog (which keeps me on track) — I want to get it back.  I want to break the cycle of the 5 lb. chunk!

I actually have lots to write about.  We had a great time. I will do some posts this week.  I gained weight but I hope to have it back by the weigh-in this week…

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What can I say — I need to get back to it.  I had not wanted to blog for awhile.  There are various reasons but I was reminded by many that when I was blogging, I was losing weight.  Thank you Grumpy for staying on to me.  So I am going to do this again.  I can promise that every Tuesday you will get a new photo and a weigh-in and I can promise to post some interesting observations one a week — about Friday or Saturday.  But I cannot promise more than that. 

I appreciate all the comments and encouragement.  I am humbled by the fact that many of you like my style of writing.  But I must do this because it is the only way I lose weight.  So I am back…. Like it or not.  Tomorrow is the weigh-in and the first photo.

Sometimes you just can’t….

Posted: January 5, 2012 in Day to Day

Sometimes you just cannot get past the old you.  You try to get out of your body and just exist, but you can’t.  The fat man inside pulls you back in.

During the holidays, I went to Washington, D.C. My wife’s brother had a brand new Baby Boy!  It was very exciting.  It was a last-minute trip and we barely were able to find our winter coats before we headed out the door.  My kids keep me pretty active and when we are in D.C. there is so much for them to do.  I always try to do something fun with them.  Washington is the only place left where jobs are plentiful, the money is flowing, and the people smile at their good fortune.  Unless you own farm land that you have leased for fracking it is hard to find such a place like Washington, D.C. these days!

So this time the activity was ice skating at the National Gallery.  They begged me to take them.  Last time they skated for 5 minutes at the cost of $15 each and complained their feet hurt and demanded hot chocolate.  I mentioned to them that I was not going to spend $3 a minute for them to ice skate. It would be cheaper to flood the backyard of my brother-in-law’s house and just push them around in their sneakers!

Well, you know I gave in and went right —  First up was Sara — around she went and then came back and said she was done.  I “encouraged” her to keep trying…

 

Then came Edan — Let’s just say, people needed to stay out of his way and give him lots of room.

Then came the request — you would think Hot Chocolate right? — wrong!  “Dad, please come on the ice with us…”  “Pleeeeeaaaaassssseeeeeee.”  I just could not.  I said I needed to make sure I was not injured for the National Championship (I play football some of you may remember) in Miami in a couple of weeks.  True.  But not true…

They kept it up… But I just could not do it.  Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get rid of your former fat self.  Sometimes, Sometimes…. No, I really could not.  Sometimes folks you just can’t….

It was too hard for me.  I dug down very deep.  I thought about it for some 20 minutes.  I just could not do it.  Maybe it was the attention I would surely get.  Maybe it was because of my height — I am 6’5″.  I did not want to get stared at.  “Forgive me,” I said.  “Guys.  I love you with all my heart.  I want so bad to be able to get over myself.  I hope you understand but sometimes you just can’t….”  They went away defeated.  They continued to skate, but I could tell how disappointed they were.  They wanted their dad to come play.  I had come so far this year.  I had gone on that rollercoaster at the amusement park.  I had done many things.  I even got on a ladder to put up Christmas lights.  I did so many things this year.  I even got off my butt and got my own drink! I mean how much farther could I be pushed.  This as it… This was the end of the line for me.  There was only so much of my former fat life I could be expected to shed.  I had unzipped my fat suit.  I had delivered all those toys to all those kids… I had fed the reindeer.  Wait.  Sorry.  That was not me…

But there were so many things I had done.  There was only so much one man could be expected to do in 9 months.  I love them. I see them skating.  I see some woman catch an elbow from Edan.  She really should have known better than to get that close! My head in my hands now.  How sad…. How tragic… But it just was not to be.  You see folks — my former fat self was still there locked inside.  It cannot be killed.  There was a little part of me that would always be unable to join in.  A little part that said — I think I can’t….  I am not proud of it.  I am trying to own up to it.  It hurts very much to even think about it. Terrible. Tragic…  My body may be different, but I am not.

Sometimes folks, you just can’t…….

And Sometimes —

 

Sometimes you gotta get over it!

 

 

 

I am starting a new series here on my blog that is based on my musings of the Optifast Literature that they give you during your fast and maintenance.  From time to time, I will “discuss” these materials when I find something interesting that I would like to share.

Body Image — You can’t avoid the pressure from society about your body image.  Many of us hide from society completely (No way I am putting on a bathing suit and going to that party!). Others try to not be seen (Don’t sit in that chair!). My favorite is: I don’t care what people think! — (Well, you should, you really should!).

So let’s see what Opti has for us…

Tools for Success: Recognize signs, Understanding factors that influence your image, Understand the hidden benefits of obesity, & recognize feelings that signal weight gain.

Yikes.  So much to discuss… So little time… There is much more to this little lesson but I think we have enough here to discuss.

Recognize Signs – It goes without saying that overweight people know they are overweight. Optifast talks about how their research shows that obese people try to hide the signs or signals in their day-to-day life. The example they give is mirrors.  Overweight people tend to have less mirrors in their houses and around them.  Full Length mirrors are virtually non-existent if you are obese.  I must say that I never cared about mirrors and I did not have many of them around.  We once purchased a house and the first thing we did is remove the full length mirror on the back of the bedroom door.  At the time, we did this because it was a cheap mirror that we just did not need, but in retrospect maybe there is something to the Optifast thought here.  We certainly did not run right out and get a new and nicer one to replace it. Optifast discusses how there are plenty of face and hair size mirrors but in obese households you will not find any that show your overall appearance. Photos play into this as well.  I know I avoided all photos including those “family” photos.  Movement.  Overweight people tend to stay home and exercise less.  Many of the reasons for this are pain (my knees, my ankles and my back used to hurt when I exercised) and going out in public (Isn’t it fun to walk pass all those stores in the Mall and know there is nothing in there that you can fit into?). Finally — touch. Overweight people avoid touching at all costs.  I had to laugh at this, but when you dig into it — it makes sense.  One of the people I know mentioned that they shy away from letting people touch them.  By this she explained that if someone put their arms around her and tried to give her a hug that it reminded her of how fat she was.

Hidden Benefits of Obesity – OK this is a stretch.  Here are the optifast examples:

  1. Not having to meet goals.  You don’t have to work hard because management would never give that marketing or sales position to a fat person.  Why bother working hard?
  2. Power.  Big Guys have lots of power in our society.  Sounds like intimidation to me… What was that?  Were you talking to me? Yeah, I did not think so!
  3. Credibility.  If you are overweight it signals that you work hard and don’t care about your personal life or family.  You will work weekends and nights and long hours because your body looks like you are willing to sacrifice for your career. So let me get this — you have credibility and then you have cover for not meeting your goals… What is not to like?  Pass the gravy please…
  4. Decreased Threat to your friends and peers.  People mistrust someone who is too attractive. Being overweight is just like saying — “Hey, I am just like you. I am no threat.”  So if you are thin, good-looking and nicely dressed — you might as well move on from this blog.  We have our eye on you…!
  5. Test of your Mate’s Commitment.  I must say that my wife loved me when I was 450 lbs.  and she loves me now.  When my feet hurt so bad I could not get out of the livingroom chair she never said a word.  I give Optifast this one.  She is a great woman and I love her for sticking with me!
  6. Reduced  Risk of Infidelity — A little hidden benefit to being fat?  A good anti-depressant can do the same thing.  I don’t buy it.
  7. Staying Below the Radar. Others expect less from the obese. You become invisible.  I must have I have seen many overweight people do this.  We do try to go about our lives trying not to stand out or be seen.
  8. Protection.  If you are 6′-5″ and 450 lbs. you really don’t have many people argue with you or start something. No one messed with my family.  Being a semi-pro football offensive lineman helps as well!

Recognizing Signals for a Weight Gain — Optifast discusses signs that could cause you to start regaining your weight. Resentment and Anger towards people who notice your weight loss or even notice you for the first time.  That anger is actually a way to allow you to regain your weight.  “I am the same person I was before.  Why do they talk to me now?”  All of this means, if I gain my weight back will they ignore me again? — It is an excuse. Anxiety about your new image.  If you have anxiety about putting yourself out there for the first time you need to recognize and examine this feeling. Ignoring it may be a way to go back to your old eating habits so that you do not have to be so out there. Pressure to meet expectations.  People sometimes feel great pressure to perform better at work and in their personal life.  Going back to the old you should be no choice. Here is the one that I have — right here in the Optifast Literature — “Inability to see you’ve lost weight”. Oh my Gosh!  How many times have I posted that??? It is a signal that you are at risk for a weight gain! So as you can see, I have some work to do on this image thing.  No way I want to go back there again!

I would add one other thing here — I am big on Diet Diaries — I think it is the single most important thing you can do to keep the weight off.  If you are keeping track of your diet, mood and exercise — you can look back and see what a successful week looks like and what a weight gain week looks like.  Your mood goes right to your self-image. If you keep track of how your feel day-to-day, you will see that a successful week is a week in which the balance between food, exercise and your mood has been achieved.  When any of the three get out of whack, I can guarantee you will see a weight gain.  I plan on using my Diet Diary to help with my self-image and get me to recognize my lost weight.  That and a full length mirror!

 

Well, I ran the Turkey Trot.  I ate a small Thanksgiving Dinner.  And then I just kind of went off the rails.  I did not do anything crazy, I just stopped trying.  I can’t tell you why… And what really stinks is all the great wonderful food I could have had — But I didn’t.  I gained 10 lbs. and had no fun and really did not try to lose or gain weight.  I guess I kind of hit the wall.  I went back to Angry Shonnie’s blog and I kind of went through what she went through.  While she kept trying and adjusting her plan — I did not — for me it just was a matter of no plan, no thought, and no diet.

So I had my fun (or not) and I have to get going.  I figured out that I needed a goal and a plan.  I went to my Optifast Meeting which was great.  There is a new group of people and excitement is coming back into the program.  You know people come and go and Optifast rises and falls, but I do keep going.  I will keep going for as much and as long as I can. I stopped going to the meeting because my son was playing football for the first time and he really needed me.  His main practice was on the same night as Optifast.  Sitting there I realized that I need to come and I need to fess up to my life.  The Optifast Program Group Meeting makes me think and ponder and ultimately makes me focus.

Grumpy posted a “where the heck are you” message — which was very helpful as well.  It got me realizing that when I am taking pictures and posting and showing off my old shape and my new shape that I am motivated not to embarrass myself… Ha Ha.  Really it is true.

So, I made a goal.  I want to lose 200 lbs. in a year.  That is my ultimate goal.  So instead of counting the weeks going up… I am going to start counting the weeks going down until I get to the one year date.  So I will be posting pictures again but it will be a countdown in weeks until the 1 year anniversary date.

The other thing I decided was to go back through my Optifast Maintenance Plan.  I am going to start with Week 1 Maintenance and then expand to Week 2 and then expand to Week 3.

So I have a plan and I have a goal… Watch out — Here we go again!

(And I will start posting more again Grumpy…. I miss you too!)

DAY 1 — MARCH 2ND, 2011.

TODAY IS ACTUALLY 12 EXACT WEEKS UNTIL MARCH 2ND, 2012.

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A year ago I stood in thr rain and waited for my daughter to come back from her first 5k run. This time I was determined to get the moment back. — to re-write history. It was very sunny and not as cold as before.

We started out with a light jog. We went faster and the slower and then real fast and then real slow. It seemed like three miles was a whole lot longer than I remember. What a blast though! Really a rush to tell you the truth. The smile on her face was worth it all.

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We ran past the Capitol. We ended a block from the White House on Pennsylvania Avenue. I finished and thought I could run it again. To talk to Sara and run with her past all those famous places. The brisk air and the beautiful morning.

I sat down for about a half hour and when I got up my legs and my knee!!! I was fine but suddenly to run it again like I thought before — not so much!

I got it back. History re-written. What a great day!

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Well Shonnie kicked our male butts… But this is no surprise really.  Any woman who can hang upside down while her trainer punches her in the stomach and calls her names can surely take me in a challenge.  I may still play semi-pro football, but it is nothing compared to crawling under barbed wire at 6am and having people make sounds like grenades going off from the sidelines.  We had no chance really did we Grumpy?

I pushed again this week for anyone counting. I am taking a few weeks off from weighing-in.  I will post some other crazy stuff.  I am headed to Washington, D.C. I am going to run my first 5k with my daughter.  Last year I stood in the rain at the side of the road and cheered her on.  It was an incredibly sad moment in my life.  I worked hard this year to get that moment back and to change it.

So I will be posting some food for thought, some exercise in our Nation’s Capitol, and some family musings. Hope everyone has a great holiday and check back from time to time and drop a comment about what you did on your holiday.

When I get back — the Christmas Challenge begins… And to ensure our victory grumpy — I think we should take a drive and maybe pay a visit to Shonnie’s trainer!

I did not have a weigh-in this week. That was actually a good thing — as I think I either pushed or I gained a little. I did not try very hard. The Turkey Challenge continues but being thumped by Angry Shonnie seems hardly worth trying… Ha Ha. Go Shonnie!

Grumpy and I are left to just try to keep up a good front and continue to work as hard as we can. Wednesday Morning is the final day for the Turkey Challenge. I will post the results… Gulp…

I am headed to the brother-in-laws in Washington, D.C. for the holiday. I am going to post some things, but I will not be doing a weigh-in. I am going to give myself a week to get back from where I left off.

I will start the x-mas challenge at that point. Maybe we can throw a gas card or something into the mix? Whaddya guys think?

Have a great weekend!

The Bistro La Bon for lunch.  Not my choice.  My wife’s birthday lunch selected by her parents and the birthday girl herself.  I opened the menu. Oh boy… Nothing I can eat here. I listen to everyone’s order.  No inspiration there.  The waitress asks me… Long Pause.  Finally, I feel my mouth moving but I am having an “out of my body” experience. I am turning into one of those people… “I would like the protein but no sauces please.” “No rice please.” Oh no, there is more.  “I would like the grilled vegetables but I do not want any oil on them if possible.”  “Can you add more grilled veggies since there is no rice?” — Finally, “The side salad.  Yes, but dressing on the side and if you have a low-fat honey mustard that would be great….”
I could see everyone looking at each other.  My family — they knew that something horrible must have taken over my body…  I smiled and looked down.  I was hoping that this could all just go away.
The waitress looked at me (she had to be half my age by the way) — Here it comes… But not at all what I expected.
“Healthy Boy here I see!” she said. The eyes of my wife suddenly moved and I saw red lasers come out of her eyes… The waitress smiled and said that she would bring me more water. My father-in-law raised his glass of empty beer but it was too late she was gone.
I sang — “happy birthday to me…” under my breath.  “Yeah”, my wife said, “Happy Birthday to you….”
Gulp…