The First Moment! The First Step!

The first moment. The first step.  The first of anything has that feeling in the pit of your stomach. Today I embark on what will surely be the most difficult period in my entire life. A 16 week low-calorie fast, Optifast to be precise. I am scared and happy.

How did I get this way? I guess there are thousands of questions to be answered to readers and I will get there in time.  For me the real questions are about how do I make sure that this never happens to me again. I cannot turn out like this again.  There will not be many more second chances for a guy like me. I am 46 years old.  I cannot carry the weight that I have right now for much longer.  I never understood people saying that. Until recently I never felt it a burden. Physically it was not a big deal. Yes, I did get people who looked at me that treated me badly. Yes, I was angry that we are tolerant of people because of the color of their skin and their religion and their sexual preferences, but even Federal Judges agree — fat people need to buy two seats on an airplane — that is just a fact.  People say we should be tolerant of those that are born one way or another, well guess what, I was born fat and my mother basically told me that I would die that way too! — So to me, I always felt it was a thing that I was born with that should be tolerated by others. But recently my knees hurt. And no matter how many kids tell my kids at school that their dad is fat — the plain truth is, it is becoming physically hard to get up out of a low chair. It hurts my shoulder because my arm has to pull so hard, it hurts my knees – both of them – and my back is sporting some pain now as well.

Beyond the physical, I have endured the mental. I do not go to have lunch with my kids at school because they get picked on too much. My son feels he has to fight for my honor on the playground. My daughter cannot understand why the girls who really think she is cool thinks her father is disgusting when she thinks he is the coolest thing in the world. My kids want to go to Hawaii on Spring Break but they know their father has to fly first class and that he has to bring a Seat Belt Extender with him. How embarrassing it is — even though I have my own that I purchased years ago and it is easy to see — the stewardess asks me in front of my family in a loud voice if I need a “Seat Belt Extender for better comfort”. The worst is Disney. My daughter’s dream. To stand at the Princess Castle and watch the fireworks. My son’s dream. To ride every ride he has heard about and memorized and rode in his mind from his friends on the bus. But I have not taken them because I know that at well over 400 lbs. they will not let me on the rides. I will have to stand there and wait for them to come back and ask them how it was.  I will have to limp through the entire place, my feet killing me, and try to brave it out for my kids. I just cannot do it.

So today I start the 16 weeks fast — I will try to post as much as possible.  If there are questions or if you have comments, please post and I will be happy to get back to you.  Nothing is too personal. I will tell the truth. If you are looking to do this or if you need to do this, I can tell you the good the bad and the ugly.

Here is my opening day photo taken by my daughter this morning before she went to school.

(Blurry iPhone Photos taken by a 10 year old…)

The opening weight: 449.8 lbs.

I take my first cup of coffee. You are allowed two a day. No milk or sweetener.

I drink my first of 3 quarts of water.

And I drink my first of 5 optifast shakes (total 800 calories a day).

I am very excited. Chocolate. Although this is no chocolate. Ha Ha.

Ok. Remember this is the medicine you need to get the weight off. 

Here is my motto: “One Shake at a time. One Day at a time.”