Optifast Jack and Optifast Jill went up the hill
To Fetch 64 ounces of daily water…
Jack came down with his head swimming with all the new things he wanted to do now that he had the energy to do it, but alas he went nowhere because he had to stay next to the bathroom to relieve himself of the 64 ounces of daily water.
Jill came down after complaining that she was unable to get the entire 64 ounces of daily water in and wondered how important it really was. She then complained that every time she stood up she got dizzy. The Optifast Group Nutritionist told her she needed to get all the water in or she would continue to be dizzy.
And thus a discussion of the wonderful people and the benefits of the Optifast Group Meeting, held weekly of course, is now going to take place.
I think I have been to every kind of weight loss meeting there can possibly be and that mankind has invented. I did Overeater’s Anonymous which is a group that meets in a church basement under the cover of night. No one knows each others real name and there is a secret handshake to get in. Then we sit around and forgive one another and enable one another to go out there and eat your share of pie.
There is Weight Watchers which has done wonders for my wife but for men it seems a little bit crazy. There is always a group leader who is proud to tell you she lost 25 lbs. on Weight Watchers and loved it so much she got a job. She gives a weekly lesson and then a group of middle-aged women have discussions about how they only lost one pound and feel so depressed. Water and walking always becomes the topic of the day at Weight Watchers and then it seems to always get around to how you can do this or that and make some huge meal that ends up costing you only 2 points. I hardly see how this can work for someone who has over 200 lbs. to lose.
Maybe I am just a pessimist but I must tell you I have tried every diet out there and they all have a group meeting and I always say to myself, “What am I doing here? These are not my people.” My favorite is Jenny Craig. Jenny has figured out all the things you hate when being on a diet and has tried to eliminate them. Everyone complains about cooking — well at Jenny’s they give you little prepared frozen meals. You rush home and put them in your freezer. You now cannot buy anything for anyone else in the family that has to be frozen because your freezer is full of little Jenny’s. You take your little Jenny and microwave it or boil it or whatever the package says to do with it, and then you eat it. No matter what it is: from the exotic Chinese to lasagna — you feel after that you just had a great snack and you are looking to the meal. I would eat my Jenny and then go eat another meal.
Jenny figured out that you hate going to meetings. So you meet with her highly trained and successful counselor. One-on-One with a woman who has never had a weight problem and reads out of a Jenny Manual that says “Problem Resolution” on it. She can’t understand why you are gaining weight on those little tiny meals. She has no idea that you made nachos right after the smallest taco you have ever seen in your life. I hate being called a “problem” and I certainly never found a “resolution” to my problems at Jenny.
So this brings me to my Optifast Group. A group of individuals who I can honestly say are “my people”. These people have serious weight issues. This is not a B-session. This is where the rubber has hit the road.
In my group we have Optifast Jack who has much more weight than me to lose. It is refreshing and sad to see someone who has more weight than me. I feel for Optifast Jack. He has done this before. He was in the newspaper because of how much weight he lost. He had double knee replacement. He likes to play golf and his knees give out and his legs hurt which makes it virtually impossible to play golf. He goes out there though and tries to play 9 holes, but often has to stop once his legs give out. Everyone knows who he is in his home town and he has a great personality. If Optifast Jack is going to do this again, he really has to see this as a life changing event. He is going to be on a modified diet which means he will eat some and do Optifast some. It will take such a long time, that he must look at Optifast as how he will have to live his life forever. I feel for him but I also have hope that he can do it.
Optifast Jill is the best. She cracks me up. She keeps telling us she is starting Optifast on Wednesday and the next week she still has yet to start. She knows she has to do this but she just cannot get in the right mindset. Optifast Jill’s kitchen is being remodeled and it is a disaster. The group tried to encourage her not to have it repaired. Just leave the kitchen in a broken unusable state and get going on Optifast. Fix the kitchen later when you have been in the program for a while and trust yourself. She said last week that she had started the very day of our meeting — Tuesday. I am dying to see if she stayed with it next week. You have to get into the right zen mind and really want to do this. This is not something you can want to do — a full fast is something you have to do. Her stories are great and I can’t wait each week to hear what she did and how she did!
Optifast Laura has been on the fast for 15 weeks. She is almost at her goal weight. She is ready for maintenance or “refeeding”. She has been through the fasting issues that we are all going through and she really wants to get into nutrition and what she needs to do to move forward with her life.
Optifast Tracy has been here before and she is back before things get way out of hand. She is very bright and intelligent. She gets it. She does not look like she has much to lose but I am sure she does not feel that way. I am not sure how much she lost last time, but it is great to see someone get back in before things get out of hand. She is very funny and I am sure more than willing to “cut up in class”. Perfect for me because I like to cut up.
Optifast Mary is on the same week as me — Week 3. She started at the same time. She is a grandmother and loves to cook for her family. She has a wedding coming up and cannot face taking pictures the way she looks now. She loses about 2 pounds a week and she talks about inches not pounds. “I always lose inches around my waist and not pounds. I measure success in inches.” In 3 weeks she has lost 7 pounds but she says she is very pleased at the inches. I told her we were Optifast cousins since we were on the same week. She looked at me weird. I think she thinks I am trying to date her.
Optifast Laura is new to our group. She is not happy. She will not read this blog because she hates these new fangled gadgets and she has no idea what a blog is. She hates all of the Optifast Product. I have told her to look at it like a “food holiday” and to take it like it is “medicine to keep you alive.” She is not buying any of it. She hates the soup — “too spicy”. She hates the shakes — “If Nestle owns Optifast and they make such great chocolate why does the chocolate shake taste so bad”. She thinks the peanut butter bar has no peanut butter in it — I think she is right about that. And the worst — she hates the water and cannot drink 64 ounces a day. She thinks that Nestle should give us all free water since they sell so much of it at the local grocery store. She is not happy with the slow weight loss and she has admitted to adding real chicken into the Chicken Soup.
Our Nutritionist is great. She is moving to “Love Valley” which is perfect for her perky attitude. She has kids and a very busy life. She works hard every day at her own weight and she tells us that even thin people have a hard time today staying thin. There is so much food, and most of it very high in calories and fat, available to Americans, and she tells us that she struggles to maintain her weight. She weighs herself every day and says that if she gets 5 lbs up she knows that this day is a “get back in shape” day. She can self regulate her calories and take stock in herself and finally take action if she has to. She has a great maintenance program — more on that another time — and she welcomes us back to the program at any time to get back on plan. She is quirky and fun — and I have much more to say about her in the future (she requires her own post… LOL. I am sure she is reading this…)
So there we are — the Loser Club — Optifast Losers actually. We talk, we mostly laugh, we study, and we learn. There is a long road ahead for all of us but we are at least taking the first step. A step we take together. I have been to many groups. I hate most of them honestly, but I enjoy this one. I relax and know that this group will evolve, people will move in and out, but I am resolved to be there for a very long time. Maybe someday I will be like Optifast Laura, ready for maintenance — ready to move on.
Optifast Loser 
